Wading Through the Pulp of Yesterday's Pages.
and a Reflection on Motivations
I don’t know why I’ve stalled commencing the writing of this post over the last several days (because I have). I’ve had the intention to begin on it every day since the last one was posted.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record, and I don’t think it’s the same either as the paralysis, for a lack of a better word, experienced and described within the last one.
The difference is, that instead of stalling for months, I’ve only stalled a few days this time.1
So let’s ease up, because a few days is perfect, when I come to think of it. It’s not like I have ever had it in mind to make a posts, back-to-back, day-after-day.
I think the same internal process is intact though, the same fear-cycle and response, but what differs here is the time it takes me to identify this response and address it appropriately, and in a timely manner.
The next paragraph presents a theory that I’ve uncovered in myself having. It is because I have uncovered this theory, that I feel like I have something to say right now, and that’s what I personally needed to begin this writing. So, good for that, and I’m grateful to have something meaningful to contribute to this post.
One theory I’ve just had that may offer explanation to my delay around writing this post is the content that is featured. The drawings featured in this post are a part of the big pile of drawings that I’ve backlogged. They aren’t necessarily new, and so the feelings I felt around the time of drawing them are already in the periphery. The words coinciding the drawings are far from the tip of my tongue. That’s not to say that I cannot remember what was going on, or that cannot analyze their contents, and measure that by everything else I’ve observed about myself and creative process thus far, and distill a valuable insight. That would be as swell as anything else, probably. However, the current theory I have is that, although the above-mentioned labors can be performed, and meanings made, what is in me as an obstacle is the knowledge that on some level this task is not as interesting for me personally, in terms of experiencing this project. In a way, I am “phoning”2 this one in. What is most interesting to me, I am positing, is a process that is more upfront in it’s presentation of the materials it’s offering. Put simply, a blog post that presents my newest drawings (made within days of posting), with my newest words, that all come together around the same time.
At the moment I feel like I’m inside the same hour of waking, and I’m making the bed, and drinking the morning cup, and taking the shower, and all the other things one must do to calibrate themselves to their waking life.
Waking up with sleep still clinging.
Thank you, that is the end of this post.
This was written approximately 4 weeks prior to the time of publication.
A term I first heard from an Art Teacher (Fundamentals of Graphic Design) in college. He accused me of phoning it in when I presented this piece:
One week before that, he had accused another student of phoning it in, and I considered that concept then, and maybe even stuck that card up my sleeve, should I need it in a tight situation.